I cought myself recently saying quite often to others: "I know how you feeling". I used to avoid saying it, because mainly we couldn't know it in fact. It's just a way to have compassion on them. And it wouldn't be fair to say empty words.

So I realized I'm saying the above and I realized how many feelings I let to hold me, to rule me and to destroy, ruine me.

I don't dream very often, or to be more correct, I very rare remember my dreams. But I remember two dreams from my childhood and I kept thinking and remebering them through the years. On the first one, I was standing on my street, watching our house burning, knowing my family is there, crying and screaming for help.I was so scared they are going to burn there and I'm going to be alone for the whole of my rest of life. An old lady was holding me and she didn't let me approach the house at all.I woke up crying.

On the other one I was standing on the middle of the road, facing a lion, showing me his teeth, growling and a saliva dripping from his mouth. I could feel it was just a matter of time the lion to attact me and eat me, but it didn't. It was just staring at me and like deliberately torturing me by showing me how powerful it is and how close I am to my death. The oddest thing was, we were just me and the lion on the road, and the road was fairly wide and long, so I could just turn back and run away. But I couldn't in fact. I was standing nailed to the ground, the fear was stronger than me. In fact I was physically making an effort to detach my feet from the ground and I still coildn't. I woke up hardly breathing.

Years and years passed and I kept remembering this both derams. I know by now the meaning of them, or maybe rather I have my own reading of these derams. The main thing of course is the fear. I let the fear to possess me to a degree I became a slave to it. I let the it to nail me and delay me on my journey.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself trying to make my family happy with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself live my life the way my father and my brother decided to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself feeling guilty I've been born for I understood my mother didn't want me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself my brother to decide what my future to be ( for me it was the music, but for him it wasn't appropriate a woman to live amongst men).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself my family to suppress me as a semi-human being, just because I was born a girl.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up be a singer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed I'm a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself feeling guilty I am not good enough for my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed I've been raped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to marry a man my family decided he's good for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my husband be my master.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my husband and my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself be a slave of my fears.