After investigation "excusing others"

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to excuse people who hurt me."
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I've stopped and start investigating that. I don't say I haven't been thinking about it before. But since I am on this process I've learned to pay more attention on my thoughts,words and acts.

I am not sure how it came to let that happen. It seems it became natural for me to excuse people who hurt me. Someone would say it is an underestimation. No, I don't feel it like that. The first thought when it happens is to look for the other person's reason to act that way to me. So I ignore my act which has been the triger of situation and I focus on the other. In fact that's the way I create the suffer, my suffer. It's pretty obvious. Paying more attention on the reasons of the others, I judge myself, create the guilt, the shame...and doing it, it is me who punish me, not the other...it is ME who is hurting ME, it isn't the other...so to the end of the day I excuse the other, because it is ME responsible for any 'feelings'... Then, excusing them don't I judge them???

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to excuse people who hurt me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself, excusing others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself judging the others, excusing myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to compromize my self-honesty, standing up for another as me through "understandig" others.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to direct myself according others' directions.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself by excusing the others, only to replace the System I am into by others' System, which isn't a progress, it is a trap.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself by excusing others, to support and stimulate their suffer by supporting their System.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to nurture my ego by excising others.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself by excusing others to nurture their's ego too.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself by excusing others to interfere with their understandings without knowing well enough my owns.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to by excusing others, to build a great danger by experiencing what I tacitly create as separate from me.