http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XruZKwYoWEA

http://www.imeem.com/isuda/music/wmToPTN_/rue-du-soleil-missing/?rel=1

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think and belive I am free.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to presume I express or clarify MY ideas for the way I live my life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think the words can express my inner state of being.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to deny the obvious in the existence.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to resist to admit the truth of my false existence.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to presume I exist only if the others notice me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to forget I can exist only HERE.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed and accepted myself to be related to myself in wholeness.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to do myself an injustice.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feed my ego by feelings, emotions and desires.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let my ego to lead and rule my life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to mix up my ego with me as who I am.to serve my ego and become its slave.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let become one with my ego, vanishing that way myself.

I do not need a permition of my ego to separate from it.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear fear itself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself for not having the ability to recognize, accept,face and deal with the inner conflict with me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to run from the inner conflict with me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to strive to be SOMEone, instead to be pure ONE.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel abused by other beings.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed and accepted myself to realize that I create the abuse as a reflection of MY emotions and MY feelings.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create self-abuse, underestimation and self-disrespect, yet react negative, blaming the others are causing that to me, not me to myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear being ashamed and disappointed with myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to play host to my mind,letting it entyrely to depersonalize me by creating deceitful multitude 'me'.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to try to live in balance, for there is not such a state.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to ramble within polarities.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself and the others by my/their sex.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself in some states of my life to feel existing as a being from both sexes in the same time ( by my role in my children's life).

I am happy currently to define myself as a sexless being as a whole.

Whispering Sea

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kudI7o630ZQ&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Eastrohoroscope%2Einfo%2Fmovie%2Ephp&feature=player_embedded

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think that selfforgiveness demeans me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to escape from the responsibility I am the one, who creates my reality.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become a slave of my ego's illusions.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself letting be emotionally blackmailed and acting under this supression.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be ashamed of the mistakes I have done and continue to do.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be afraid and ashamed of the stones the others throw on me, then judge myself about it.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think I must fight to deserve others' respect, friendship and love.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to act regarding of what the others will think about me.

I forgive myself that I have not completely realised that my self worth is the same as that of every other's, no more no less.

I forgive myself that I have not completely realised that selfforgiving and loving without needing anything from the others is my real protection not to be hurt.

I forgive myself that I have not completely realised that I abuse others when I hold them responsible for what I have created and still do.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed and not accepted myself exactly as I am - equal and one as life.

I appreciate and respect myself.

Weird

I closed my eyes and tried to withdraw from my thoughts, to be an observer.

It became a messy chaos and everything was going so quick, so I couldn't catch all of them. I was comletely awake and at some point I focused my look and I saw a path. It was a bit windy, the path narrow and gravel, but I knew I must go on. So I went further. It became quiet and I saw a gate. I've opened the gate and I entered a room. The only thing in the room was an wooden table and a small wooden bench. I sat on the bench and start waiting. I have no idea what/who I was waiting for. Just knew I have to wait. I stood up and approached the wall. There was a door on this wall. I've reached the handle to open it, but suddenly the whole wall opened ( in a way like the wall slided from the top and start opening down...like a draw-bridge or something like this.

Then I saw a fountain. The funny thing was there wasn't a water sprinkle from it, it was a gold light ( wiered ). I bypassed it and I found myself on a beach.After that everything that happened, was just a feeling. I couldn' see anythnig. It wasn't a picture, or a screen, or a dream, or anything, I just felt it. There was someone waiting for me.I wasn't curious, I just knew I must go and see the being. I was so calm, unbelieveble. Normaly I am pretty nervous to meet unknown people. So...I came nearer. Then I felf an attraction and I found myself hugged. I was hugged so gentle and it felt so cosily, I have no words to explain it. When I stepped back, I still couldn't see anything and anybody, but I knew who was it, that gave me this hug. There the madness comes now - it was me.

Me hugged me... Then...I stop breathing. It wasn't a force, I wasn't holding my breath. I just stopped breathing and I couldn't recall for how long, but it felt it was for longer than I would ever imagine I can bear without a breath. I could feel my heart beating, it became very silent and still.No any fibre of mine moved at all for a looong time... It was amazing!!! I was completely still with no any thought, no any sound - entire silence and no any movement of my body at all. I wasn't breathing !!! And it felt soooooo good!!! Then very slow my chest raised and some air penetrates through my nose veeeeeryyy slow to my lungs. It didn't hurt , but it was very, very slow and the first breath was very shallow, like a ray...and I hold it now in my chest, then breathed out very slow again. Then slowly my normal breathing came back.



I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience all above.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be attracted by the experience, I've described above.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate on this situation, I've described above.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to 'feel' separated, then united into the experience,described above.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be confused and afraid from the experience, described above.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be ashamed and scared to share this experience.